Monday, June 20, 2005

I'm not panicking

I must not panic. I must not panic. Angie has lots of expensive tuition to pay and T doesn't have a job. But I must not panic.

How many times must I learn this lesson, God? To trust to wholly, without doubt or hesitation. To believe that you only want good things for me. To believe. To believe that you will carry me. To believe in him.

A friend stopping by while I was writing this. And while I was talking to him I realized something. Every problem, every situation has at its root a solution that is stupidly simple. Love or don't love. Stand by the decisions you make or take the easy way out. Believe or don't believe. Once we make that go/no-go choice everything else becomes easier, more clear. And there is always an easier choice and a harder one. It takes guts to not take the easy way out.

As for me I continue to believe, to love, to stay, to honor, to obey. I will learn and relearn this lesson as often as I must until God is through with me.

Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic in the best minds. Men live the brink of mysteries and harmonies into which they never enter, and with their hands on the door-latch they die outside
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

1 comment:

Chixulub said...

I've found the biggest key to not panicking about my finances is never getting them in order. If it's always a crisis, it starts to feel normal.

Like people in war zones, they let their kids play in the streets after a while, because a bomb is just as likely to blow them up anywhere they go, so they might as well get in a game of soccer.

Though as one who is always trying to figure out how to not get stuff cut off, I feel your pain. In fact, I'm feeling some of it right now. And I still panic, even though I know it could always be worse.

So maybe I would want to be a Hilton. At least if I didn't have to debase myself on TV and care about expensive clothes and jockey-hockey (polo).