Will the real Christianity please stand up?

I was raised Catholic in a lazy, slipshod, not-tending-the-garden sort of way. I was baptized and then when it was time for communion, my mom bolted and left me with my dad, who was not the Catholic in the family. I did have my first confession though and finally received communion of my own volition when I was 16. Never confirmed. Switched to an evangelical, non-denominational church 5 years ago.

I love my church. But I still get confused about some of the things Protestantism teaches. I understand what this guy is saying about the different views of sanctification/justification in Protestant vs. Catholic doctrine. What shocked me was his statement, if I'm understanding him right, that if you didn't believe in the Protestant version, you're not going to heaven. His whole premise is that it's shameful for Protestants to be so tolerant of Catholics because Protestants bled and died for the right to their beliefs and Catholicism is just, well, wrong. As I understand the Bible, the only thing that's required for salvation is to believe that Jesus is your Lord and Savior. So, I'm thinking, this guy's wacked.

Then there's the argument that there are only 2 reasons to leave a marriage: adultery and if one spouse is a Christian and the other is a non-believer. Many Christian resources state that abuse is NOT a reason to divorce, only a reason to separate. I think this is a totally irresponsible teaching in any church and honestly, I reject it. After 2 years as a volunteer at a battered women's shelter, I can't believe God would want any woman to endure what I've seen some people suffer.

Here's what I worry about: that my fellow Christians are getting too caught up in dogma created by radio show hosts and book authors and not reading the Word for themselves, then listening for the "still, small voice" that informs them.

What happened to love? Not "love, but..." -- but "love and..."

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
-Corinthians 13:4-8

Random thoughts for Memorial Day

I'm still alive.

Vegas was so very busy and I spent a great deal of it on the show floor (National Hardware Show). Meetings, dinners, lots of vodka and wine and very little sleep. That pretty much sums it up. I do recommend to anyone that if you go to Vegas, check out the VooDoo Lounge which is very high and when we were there, pretty tame (about 9:30-11:30 on a Wednesday) but I hear it's gets really crazy. I didn't want crazy, just a drink and a view. And I got both. Also Michael Mina at the Bellagio has the most perfect service of any restaurant I have ever been to. But I could never afford it on my own... for what we had it would be about $300 for 2. But oh, wow. Amazing.

Since then, it's been strictly ground floor. Meetings, work, a doctor's appointment and trying to catch up on my zzzz's.

On another subject: you know how everyone always has those "most embarassing moments"... I never could really think of one but I just got one the other day... my mother gave me a beautiful silk skirt (wrap) that ties on the left hip. I kept meaning to throw on a slip (even though it was lined) but it was 5 a.m. on the day of my meeting and I was in a hurry to catch a plane. So when the plane lands in Nashville I'm fighting with my bag (luckily my co-worker was a few bodies in front of me) and I get almost to the door and the skirt ... just ... falls OFF. See, silk comes untied all by itself. So as smoothly as I could I grab up the fabric and step sideways in to the row of seats to my left. Sit down, retie, rearrange and get off. Don't look at anyone. Don't look sideways, back, say nothing, just collect up my tattered pride and pretend. Next time I'll put on a damned slip. Thank God I don't wear thong underwear. I could almost pretend nothing happened except I HEARD a woman gasp just at the moment it fell. Perfect. I'll be double-knotting in the future.

I see I'm getting close to 1000 visitors -- I'd like to hit it by June 8 for the yorkistrose one year anniversary. So keep reading and I'll try to keep writing until then.

Happy Memorial Day all,
rose

Decoration Day is the most beautiful of our national holidays.... The grim cannon have turned into palm branches, and the shell and shrapnel into peach blossoms. ~Thomas Bailey Aldrich

all geeked up and no where to go (for at least 6 months)

http://adisney.go.com/disneypictures/narnia/index.html

Thanks Kari! Her "Beside Dry Creek" blog points out that the First Chronicles of Narnia movie now has a trailer... and it's very cool.

Of course, I loved Lord of the Rings. Got 'em on DVD. Got a DVD player so I could own them, actually. So this looks like a perfect next step. The movie opens (sigh) December 9.

(Oh, please, Disney, don't screw it up.)

Gotta get on those books soon. Haven't read them for (ahem) a few years. OK, like 24 but who's counting?

The other men in my life

How Workplace Couples Keep Each Other Happy

I thought it was just me.

I'm on what my real spouse and I call my third "work husband". I've always been inclined to make friends with men and have very friendly relationships with many of my male co-workers, past and present. In fact, my strongest and best work relationships are with guys.

Yes, it can lead to looks, gossip, questions. Like when the accounting department starting spreading the rumor that work husband #2 and I were sleeping together last year. Because we went to a couple of movies together when we were traveling. Utterly bogus conclusion. And I was really hurt. But I've decided that it shouldn't matter because the only person that should be concerned about my extra-marital activities doesn't worry about me being unfaithful. Work husbands #2 & #3 now joke that it's a threesome.

The WSJ article is just more fodder for my developing theory that healthy friendships outside of marriage are not just important -- they're essential. Work husband #1 is still one of my best friends and I always look forward to talking with him and getting pictures of his new daughter. And we still give each other career advice and encouragement.

What it is, really, is knowing that you have a safe harbor in the sea of politics that is corporate culture. It trumps loneliness on the road to travel with someone who can order your drink for you while you're in the ladies'. In my industry I'm always outnumbered by men -- sometimes 10 to 1. It's only natural to have a guy or two in your corner in case things get crazy.

And on that note, if you don't hear from me again, I'm off to Vegas Monday-Thursday for work. Mom is going with me. My stepdad had a dream that she's going to win $2.5 million on a dollar slot while she's there. If she does, I told her we're spending the weekend.

Cautious Optimism

There is a person who lost his job but keeps a brave face for his kids and his wife.

There is a person who just lost a baby.

There is a person who takes medication for the depression she's suffered from for years and no one knew.

There is a person whose wife threw him out.

There is a person whose ex-wife is taking the kids and moving away.

There is a person who worries at night about if the cysts in his child's body are cancerous.

There is a person raising a toddler alone.

There is a person who nearly lost her home.

There is a person whose drinking has gone out of control.

There is a person whose husband almost walked away.

I know all these people. I watch them all keeping their secrets so only the actor's mask is what the world sees. Collectively their hearts break, heal awkwardly and break again, sometimes along those old wound lines and sometimes in fresh places. How do they keep smiling? How do they wake up each day and face whatever comes next?

Cautious optimism. It's my favorite phrase by which to live.

Here's my theory in a nutshell:If you concentrate only on the bad stuff, that's all you see. And really, something bad happens every minute of the day. Some bad things are really bad (death): some just seem so at the time (losing a job-- but later you get a better one). Some things are good -- but subtly so -- and maybe you miss them (clean kids in PJs hugging you goodnight). Some things are awesome, once-in-a-lifetime good (swimming with dolphins). I want to look for the good. I want to anticipate being happy. I have to believe. I won't pretend that there isn't a dump truck of crap looking to unload in my yard but I'm going to believe that it's not coming today. That's what I call cautious optimism.

Share it. Maybe it will help someone you know -- the one whose heart is breaking.

books, dresses and other secrets

I'm on a big reading kick lately. I finished "The Time Traveler's Wife" last night and will start on "Middlesex" sometime today, though I don't know when I'll have any time. I can't remember the last time I finished a book in a week! Books have become my place to hide. With some good reading material, I can go anywhere. Consequently I've spent a lot of time in Medieval England and Wales, and more recently Southern Missouri, Chicago and Maine. No one kind find me in any of those places.

Dinner with my friend S last night -- we fan our secrets like hands full of cards, while we joke and laugh and eat. We shopped a little and I bought a kicky bohemian looking skirt to wear to our dinner thing in Vegas (business trip in 2 weeks) and she helped me pick out a shirt to go with it. I had bought an embroidered black satin dress a while ago but decided it was too dressy (can't overdress the customers) and, oh yes, T said I looked like a hooker when I tried it on for him. I don't - but OK. Thankfully I only spent $18 on it (it was a $120 dress I found on a clearance rack in Dillard's.) Maybe someday I'll have an occasion.

But I digress. Back to S and our once-monthly (or more) dinner date. It feels good to share secrets with someone... to say out loud the things that nibble away at my confidence, my being. S and I have stepped up our friendship on recent months -- it has become more trusting, more tight. I take great comfort in this little oasis of commiseration and girl talk. Our lives seem soapy and overblown to ourselves but take on a more normal texture when we see that other's lives are just as goofy as our own. In her company I am the most real me and the mask comes off. And she doesn't even mind.

mayday

Day begins with screaming fight.
Day ends with raspberry cheesecake concrete from Sheridan's.

Day begins with racing, eggs and sausage.
Day ends with pillow-throwing argument.

That's my weekend in a nutshell.

There were other moments in between. I saw an old friend and thought how lovely she looked, with her bright green eyes and long, glossy dark hair. She had a casual, peaceful grace that made me want to sit down and hold her hand for a while to see if her beauty was catching. I cleaned my house. I cut the grass. I ate homemade pizza and I made enchiladas. I read about half of a very good book in the small chunks of time I carved out late at night.

I did not laugh as much as I wished but I watched T and K laughing together and that made me happy.

I am exhausted by the fighting but too scared to give in and quit.

I was accused of being in love with someone else.

Impossible, as love takes many, many years of knowing and understanding and compromising. It is a secret language, a routine, a place where separate lives touch and create a unique space.

One day, leaning on another. A house of cards?