I have no followers and I don't give this out to anyone anymore because it doesn't seem all that profound or interesting. No hopes of a book deal here.
It's been nearly a year since I wrote anything and what a year it was. Never did I ever imagine I would be separated from my work family and in such an ugly way. Never did I think I would be out scrambling for a job again, going to interviews and being told "no thanks". It's humiliating as hell. I wish I had the good fortune of marrying someone who just wanted me to stay home and keep house. Have his babies. Work only if it amused me to do so. Alas, I have somehow become the primary breadwinner of the family and so I feel an enormous pressure to find another job as quickly as I can. I feel like I'm bailing out a boat with a sieve.
I think every day about how it all went wrong at PBI. I dream about it a lot. I try to draw strength from my AT experience and remember what I endured as I hiked those 40 miles up and down mountains that seem more than anything to be the literal form of my emotional and work life. I try to tell myself again that I can. I can. Just baby steps. That's all I need to do. One more tiny step: a half-step even. Because moving forward is what I came for.
I'm just ready for the cool breezes and the beautiful vistas, already.
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