I'm really looking at you...

I've been catching myself doing something lately that I don't ordinarily do. I've been really looking at people, looking at their faces, eyes, clothes, hair, the sound of their voice, the expressions when they talk. I often look past people or down away from them, but not really at them.

I watched K the other day -- such a pretty girl. I love the way she and her dad stand together, conspiratorial, slightly in each others' space, like one might reach out to the other any second.

I got a chance to sneak a look at him, too, without him asking me what I was doing and thinking I've slipped my gears. Actually it was the back of his head I was admiring, the beautiful way his hair lays, the texture of it, the ash brown now as much grey as brown. It was the first time he ever let me cut his hair: I hope I get to do it more often. It overwhelmed me just to be doing something so intimate and see him without him really knowing what I was doing. My heart was full of him.

Last night I had dinner with a friend I had not seen for nearly 2 years. When I got past wondering what he thought of me (I'm 42# lighter than he last saw me), I found I loved looking in to his face as he talked animatedly about his wife and baby, his new job and his home in Oklahoma. I can see now the passage of time in his face, the 9 years that have passed since we first met. But he still looks like the kid I knew, the one who called me ma'am, even though I am only 6 years older.

I wonder how much time anyone really takes to look in to the faces and hear the hearts of the people they love? It takes more time and more care than I usually spend. But what are we missing by having those half conversations over the TV or while our brain is preoccupied with meals, the paper, work or chores? I think I know the answer. I think we are missing it all.