snow and wind farms and crochet and Minnesota drivers

So, being a complete needlecraft geek I decided it would be fun to go to Knit Out and Crochet 2009 at the Mall of America this weekend. I made Smurfette go with me, thank God for her. The drive up was grueling 9 1/2 hours (it was supposed to be about 7) because of the snow. I discovered a few very important things on the trip:

• When people refer to IOWA as "Idiots Out Walking Around" they are not kidding. 5" of snow on the streets and some guy is walking right down the middle of the road like it's Downtown Disney.
• The Chevy Malibu Maxx is superior in really crappy weather.
• Minnesotans don't understand about how not to block intersections. Every light takes two cycles to negotiate. Do they think they're in New York? Does half a car length change the rhythm of their entire Saturday?
  
• Subway in Minnesota doesn't have provolone cheese. Smurfette asked for provolone and they said they didn't have it. So when I made a face while asking for cheddar, the Subway guy said "you seem like you don't want cheddar". Duh, I want provolone.
• They don't believe in raisin toast either, cretins.
• Wind farms look really neat. They look planted.
• Little old ladies aren't always nice. Sometimes they are mean, line-cutting bitches.
• The Knit Out and Crochet 2009 was dumb but the hot tub at the hotel was not.
• Did I mention Minnesota drivers suck?
• Lisa Loeb's albums full of camp songs are funny even without alcohol.
• Smurfette is one of only a few people in the world that would sing "Fried Ham" underwater style with me and think it's f-ing hilarious.
• Mall of America is big but it's still just a mall.