it's a new week

My WW week starts on Wednesday, so it's a new week for me. Thank heaven. Last week was San Diego. I did not journal. I did walk, a lot. I also ate gnocchi, creme brulee, a German chocolate cupcake (for breakfast, no less), fried fish, Ghirardelli chocolate and some other things that people on WW don't usually eat. It was fun. The gnocchi was from de' Medici and was good enough to make me want to cry for joy. The weather was nice for walking and the scenery was great. When I got home I did not stop eating but rather had T's smoked chops, subs, lemon cake, ice cream (in the 1/2 cup measuring cup, though) and more chocolate.

I walked an average of probably 4 miles a day while on the road. That's not treadmill walking but real walking with a heavy briefcase and sweat and everything. And God smiled. All my food sins and I still lost 2/10 of a pound. Enough to let me see the 158 on the digital scale. I didn't do much to deserve it but I'll take it anyway.

So then the question is, can I get serious and drop another 10 pounds before the next show on May 7? 10 pounds, 5 weeks? Possible -- but highly unlikely. I know of what my body and mind are capable.We shall see.

I just need to stay out of the River Market and away from this place: Frou Frou Sweets. Cupcakes to me are really perfection: not having ever been a big cake eater, I want tons of flavor and sweetness in a small package. I don't need a big hunk o' cake. Cupcakes fit the bill. I'm sure cupcakes are so 5 minutes ago in New York but here we like to take things a little slower.

don't feel like it

I don't feel like blogging.

I don't feel like dieting.

I don't feel like figuring out any more stuff that has to do with kitchens, windows, missing hair or venous lakes.
___________

The laser lady shot me up again yesterday and this time my lip swelled and got a very angry purple. I keep feeling like people can see it, though, like my hair, I'm sure it's my imagination. The laser lady says I should not have to come back, this time she thinks she got it. Yay.

I did have a nice lunch. I had the quiche and split the lemon cake. It's a very "ladies who lunch" kind of place. And I am so not. So I felt funny. Not funny wierd, but funny ironic.

My biggest regret of the day is that I didn't go down to the candy shop for jelly bellies before coming back to work. And that I didn't do something better with my hair, it looks stringy.

Ah, maybe it wasn't such a bad day after all. Those are pretty small regrets.

The Big Show

The show we're working is all about pets. I am amazed by the breadth and variety of products people will buy to pamper their furry friends. And I have to admit, it's fun to be in the company of so many pet people like myself, inventors and business people who have made their passion a vocation.

I've even found something I want to buy: Quick Finder. It's not out yet but when it is, I want one. It's like a stud finder but it tells you where the quick is in a pet's claws -- not an easy thing when they're black. This device will help inept people like me from clipping in to that vein that makes my deck look like a crime scene because I've nicked 2 or 3 claws and she's bled all over everything. It's something that Abby the famous dog will defintely benefit from. So PetSmart, please buy this device. I'm waiting.

Outside my window

Thank you hotel, for giving me free high-speed access so I can post more silly, rambling blog posts.

Landed fine in San Diego and hotfooted it to the convention center to set up our booth, which didn't take long. Stopped off in the press room to drop off press kits and decided if we are going to do this (and we should) we are going to have to jazz these things up significantly. But hey, we are a small company and this is better than nothing. Nothing was last year. I met a woman from CBS who needed live critters for one of her segments and had none. I of course thought longingly of my mostly useless and rapidly aging home petting zoo, 1600 miles to the east. It was a great opportunity that slipped helplessly out of my critter-free hands. Oh well.

At 1 p.m. local we finally found some lunch, this to supplement my ever so healthy breakfast of German Chocolate cupcake. Hey, a friend gave me a cupcake yesterday and I never got a chance to eat it. Cupcakes make an excellent breakfast. Flour, milk, eggs, it's all healthy stuff, right? Then we trekked back to the hotel after a quick stop at Hilo Hattie's for a suprise for T. And now I have dutifully checked all my e-mail, responded appropriately and am now killing time here. And outside my window? A Wyland Whale Wall, the San Diego Trolley and The Coaster. Oh yes, and a large Caterpillar jackhammer. It should be a fun, but not quiet, 4 days in California.

Spring and a Plane Ride

Diet update: despite my better efforts to gain, I have managed to lose what I gained last week and a little bit more. The slider is headed east again, I like that. We even had a traditional "Figgs dinner" on St. Patrick's Day (I learned a new term): corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, onions and carrots. I stayed heavy on the veggies and light on the beef.

Well, off to San Diego tomorrow for a work thing. This will take me through the weekend, which means working two weeks straight, always a bit of a bummer. I'll be back Sunday evening, just in time for work bright & early Monday. As always, I need to pick a new book to take, I'm somewhere between "Don't Know Much About History" and "The Doomsday Book" by Connie Willis. Two completely different reads, might take them both. And I still haven't finished "Time and Chance" or "Tales from the Scale" but I only have a few pages left on "Tales from the Scale" so that one doesn't count. Luckily I haven't got a big backlog of magazines like usual. This, not clothes, is why my suitcases are so damn heavy.

Our first day of spring came with snow. Gotta love this midwestern weather. It is some freaky stuff. On Sunday I ran around the yard picking up broken branches and cutting a vase full of the most beautiful daffodils: I figured the cold weather would ruin them and I may as well enjoy some inside. I am glad I did it, though I usually refrain from cutting flowers. I think I'm going to do it more often. They just look like springtime.

Thoughts pinballing around in my head:

• We've now expanded the kitchen renovation to include windows, 4 to start. We did locate a great deal on some appliances and a gorgeous slate tile. Just a few more steps to start in earnest.
• feline arthritis: my aging menagerie continues to pose new challenges. Dusty now has to be brushed daily and bathed with dry shampoo because he can't clean himself. He's like a former male model, fat and totally gone to seed. On Sunday, KC (my other cat) apparently found him so offensive that SHE gave him a bath. And his gimp is terrible to watch but I haven't figured out what to do for him yet.
• canine arthritis. 50 mg Rimadyl won't do it for Abby. We cut the meds and she's back to hobbling. So, though we know it will shorten her life, we have to choose between quality and quantity. She's already 11, I choose quality.
• The never ending cold. Is never ending. But the coughing is sooo much better than it was. I loosened a few ribs on Sunday but for the most part only sound like a multi-pack smoker when I laugh. AFV is just about killing me, although I watch it anyway. As I told T last night, people falling down is always funny.

What a shockingly dull post. Maybe something better later. Or maybe not. It's just me, after all, not Hemingway. ;-)

Oooh Sephora, what are you doing to me?

Is it SEPH-or-a or Se-PHOR-a?

All I know is that you used to only be in the rarest places -- the once-a-year I-can-handle-you places. You are in Las Vegas. Chicago. You showed up in Murcia, but you were small there, just a dainty cousin to your overblown Sin City counterpart.

Now, NOW you are coming to my neighborhood. I don't need this Sephora. You are stalking me. You are plotting, with your sexy French accent, to take all my disposable income.

Please, please Sephora, don't come any closer... I can't take it.

oooof

Sometimes I fall off the wagon. I've done that a lot this last week or two. Don't get me wrong, I like being down on the ground among all the naughty food. Last Friday, T and I wandered over to Granite City to have dinner and I had the most heavenly garlic mashed potatoes and a chicken sandwich with artichoke dip and cheese that must have been the size of my head. In the last few weeks we've also had Spanish food, Cheeseburger in Paradise and several other things I've probably blanked out.

I dropped to 159 and change for a minute or two and then have bounced back to 160.5, a small slip in the overall scheme of things and my first gain in 8 weeks. A day of laying all over the couch yesterday didn't help: I don't know how stay at home moms can resist the call of the fridge all day. All I wanted to do was eat, eat, eat. In volume. But overall I wasn't terrible. Oh, yeah, I was. Tha thump. Off the wagon. Tha thump. Ran over me, clipped me in the back of the head. Knocked the memory of the popcorn, cake and ice cream right out of me.

Ah, well. Back at it. Back at the diet, back at work, back at everything I guess. I had one day off from everything to just lay up and feel sorry for me. My only regret is that I didn't see that I could have gotten "In Her Shoes" on pay-per-view until it was too late. But I did get to watch "The Village" on regular cable.

coff*coff*coff

I shouldn't be so smug and superior to friends who fall prey to every virus out there. It's like I threw down the gauntlet to the entire viral community -- "Bring it on, bad viruses. I can handle anything you dish out!" It's true that I don't get sick a lot... I've had the unusual gift of resistence to every creeping crud T has had over the years, even strep. I also worked through mono and was bascially asymptomatic after 2 weeks -- a small miracle I hear.

But superhuman? Naw, not so much. What I thought was allergies turned out to be some kind of frickin' plague and I've had the special privilege of waking myself up coughing, on the hour, all night long.

So I'm super excited to be hear at work, leaving little virally fingerprints all over my office. I say my office-- because I've been quarantined-- to my office. Sorry everyone, I guess I am that annoying person who shows up sick and tries to spread my disease. Whoops.

do you know me? a love letter to my true friends

I want to believe that if you don't like me it's because you don't know me. Recently I was told that "there were a lot of people who didn't like me". I was also told that "a lot of people had changed their minds about me over time" and like me better now than they did. In the beginning, they thought I was snotty and stuck up.

Well, guys, I'm almost 39 years old and this isn't high school. I have consumed too much emotional energy worrying about who likes me and who doesn't. I have appeared stuck up because I was so afraid I wouldn't be liked that I didn't let anyone get close enough to decide for themselves if I am a good person or not. I have made myself hard to know. I didn't mean to, it just happened.

To the people who really know me, who hang around me, I think you do like me -- otherwise why waste your time? So I thank you for not judging this book by my cover. It would have been easy to do. I thank you for seeing past my defenses and being patient for me. I'm mystified as to why you would but profoundly grateful that you did.

Wrestling with God

It occurred to me this morning how far I've gotten from my old relationship with God. When I was constantly seeking him, attending church regularly, doing ministry stuff, really trying to walk the walk, well, it just seemed so hard. There was very little comfort there, just a nagging feeling that I could never be good enough. Read the Bible enough. Pray enough. Instead of feeling that I was worthy I felt more unworthy than ever. I never felt I was doing enough. I didn't read the right books, I didn't think the right way.

I put a little distance between myself and God last fall, I admit it. I couldn't focus on more than the crisis right in front of me. I didn't go to church. I still don't. I don't read my Bible at all. I don't set aside time to pray although I do pray for people when asked and I pray "on the fly", i.e. when things come to me. I do that in the car a lot. I feel more skeptical -- but not to the point of disbelief. It's more about the institution of religion and not about the players themselves -- God, Jesus, the Apostles. I miss having a church but my old church doesn't feel like home any more and I don't know how to find someplace new.

I used to wonder what God thought of me in His heaven. Now I just wonder if He thinks of me at all.

Having a relationship with a Diety is hard. It's not like you can just call up and say, "Hey God it's me. We haven't talked in a while but I was thinking about you and wondered if we could just get together. I'd like your opinion on some things and well, I just missed you." Yeah, God's never on the other end of the phone. But I don't worry very much. It may be stupid and arrogant of me but I believe that I will be renewed in my relationship with Him at some point. I believe this is inevitible. I don't want to have to turn to Him in another crisis though because getting through a crisis is hard enough without feeling as though you've been abandoned by the One who put you here. And yeah, I've read that "Footprints in the Sand" poem too. But there's what I know and how I feel and sometimes they are not the same.

Anyway I take encouragement from the story about Jacob wrestling with God. They wrestled all night and God even dislocated his hip. But Jacob refused to quit until he got his blessing. So even though God and I are doing a little wrestling right now, I'm not letting go until I get blessed.

Photo courtesy of this website: The Brick Testament

the real me

What? I didn't do it, whatever it is.

miscellaneous midweek mishmash

Too late for commenting on the Oscars I guess, although I liked the job that Jon Stewart did. I also love that Reese Witherspoon won and Philip Seymour Hoffman, too, although every time I see him I think "Dusty" from Twister so it's hard to take him seriously. Of course SHE was in not one but two "Legally Blonde" movies, so who's to say?

Well, weigh in day and down 12#. I wish that I felt it more, I'm in a constant state of surprise when I step on the scale and see it's gone down because I just don't feel it. I think my clothes do fit better and except for the below-waist jeans, nothing's falling off. Those below waist jeans are a bear by the way. I'm constantly hiking them up. I guess I need to dig out a belt.

So, other things to worry about. I think I've found some tile I like for the kitchen and in a totally non-related note, my hair is definitely falling out. This is nothing a 38 year old woman wants to face, by the way. But the old "Ignore it, it will go away" is not really appropriate here. Despite a year of Nioxin and tender loving care, it still is. Going away, that is. So next step will be to see a dermatologist, although I think it's fruitless, to be honest. I'm sure it's hereditary and the only answer is "tough luck". Guys are so lucky... they can just shave their heads these days and be sorta cool. But how many bald headed women do you see running around? Well there are a few but I think they may be in to some adult activities I'm not up for. That's a whole different enchilada. The easiest answer would be for falls to come back in to style. I used to have a blast with my mom's dark brown fall, I used to pin it in to my pixie cut and pretend I was a princess. My mother has a small collection of little hair enhancers now, less for style and more for necessity. Like my grandmother (the genetic culprit behind all this female hair loss) used to say, her head gets cold. Ah, it's not funny. But what else to do? Laugh or cry? I've already cried ...

So, jury duty went fine and quickly, thanks for that. A good thing too since I'm headed for San Diego in 2 weeks for another show and the work is backing up even as I waste time blogging. It's high season in the lawn & garden bidness so that means time to knuckle down.

And finally, there is rain in Kansas City.

consider yourself tagged

I love memes. I think they're fun. But no one ever tags me, which makes me sad. :-(

So I picked this one up from Pound. I stole it. So there. If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged. I think there are only about 4 bloggers that will read this anyway so I expect to see this in your blog next I check, OK? OK.

By the way, 2 days after the official weigh in (Wednesday) the scale reads 159.8. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the first time I've seen the 150s in a year. I have to say... I feel great.

On to the meme:

Four jobs I have had:

1. Waitress in the cafe the Cat's parents owned. Had a regular clientele that included two sweet elderly ladies who came in to eat noon dinner every day. I had the salads and tea on the table before their butts hit the seat.
2. Assistant to the VP of Marketing for a carpet retailer. Yeah, it was as crappy as it sounds. Only worse. I shared an office with a leering 2-pack a day smoker and I had to work half a day on Saturdays for the whole first year. I quit after 15 months.
3. Field Marketing Manager for Hardee's. One of my favorite jobs: involved a lot of travel, cool marketing stuff and the odd free ticket to a sporting event. It was also the first time in my career I got a huge raise.
4. Camp Counselor. The happiest 3 summers of my life. Netted me an ex-husband and 2 wonderful friends.

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. The Philadelphia Story. I want to be Tracy's best friend. That girl can party.
2. Love, Actually
3. Pride & Prejudice (The BBC version with Colin Firth. Sorry Kari, all others are just pretenders.) I have seen this movie so many times I am embarrassed to say how many. Because it's 6 hours. But it's a lot.
4. Tie between Fantasia and Lady & the Tramp. Happy childhood memories, ya know.

Four places I have lived:

1. Independence, MO
2. Columbia, MO
3. Roeland Park, KS
4. Lenexa, KS (I don't get around much)
   

Four TV shows I love:

1. LOST
2. Survivor
3. I used to love the old Wonderful World of Disney
4. I have to say I'm kinda getting hooked on Grey's Anatomy but I don't know who in the world would find Ellen Pompeo cute. She looks squinty and runty to me. I like George. I think it should be called George's Anatomy.

Four places I have vacationed:

1. Spain: unforgettable and bears repeating, the sooner the better
2. Oahu: like heaven
3. Boston: great seafood, lots of history. I highly recommend the Cape in the off season. It's great to have a whole beach to yourself -- except for a sea lion & a horseshoe crab.
4. Halifax, Nova Scotia: feels a little like the edge of civilization. Cold and wild and very stoic, but friendly. OK, I can't explain it. Just go there.
   

Four of my favorite dishes:

1. Pizza with lots of Canadian bacon, pepperoni, olives and mushrooms
2. Phad Thai
3. Home made macaroni & cheese made with Velveeta
4. Tortellini Gina

Four sites I visit daily:

1. weightwatchers.com
2. yahoo home
3. the blogs on my list---------->
4. here, because I'm pathetic and I keep hoping one day I'll pop on and have like 100 visits in a day

on a less frequent basis I visit eonline, nascar.com, epinions, postsecret and awfulplasticsurgery.com. I'm not so different from anyone else, really. Also stuff for work.

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Hanauma Bay, snorkling
2. Riding a horse which is something I haven't done for a long time
3. at home on the couch reading a book
4. a great big museum or art gallery, like maybe the Louvre or the Smithsonian

and one more thing

Lobster's rant about commercialized weight loss is just that, a rant. Bless him and his right to an opinion but here's mine: most commercialized weight loss is probably OK. I'm not a huge fan of Jenny Craig but you know how I feel about WW and there's evidence to support the notion that WW does indeed work. People do lose weight. Yes, sometimes they gain it back, not because the program failed but rather because they have failed to address the real stuff that goes on when they turn to food for comfort, happiness, depression, anger or for any reason other than hunger. They've dealt with the symptoms but don't always tackle the "disease".

We are a nation of people plagued by conflicting messages: be beautiful and thin and while you're doing it, grab a Snickers -- it satisfies. The great wave of lap band surgeries is even proving to be a failure, since many high profile LBers are now ... that's right right, say it with me, gaining the weight back. Even with those tiny, tiny stomachs and the risk of being horribly sick.

Lately I've noticed food companies doing some new things: taking the sugar and the trans fats out, adding fiber and going to whole grains. Even more shocking, a packaged goods company (Hey Kool-Aid!) made and advertised a low calorie product to children! Food companies are businesses, created to make money. Consumers drive demand and if we ask for these products and buy them then the Krafts of the world will make them. I never realized what an outrageous reliance we have on prepackaged foods until I tried to shop in Spain. We must be one of the few countries on the planet that doesn't believe in whole food any more. It's a shame really. Instead of exporting our food culture to the rest of the world we should be importing their eating habits. Their food tastes better.

When we get serious about our own weight loss and health and stop acting like it's a fad, the corporate world will too. The buck stops here.

Civic duty

Much as I'd like to duck out, I got pulled for jury duty next week. Again. I swear I'm called for jury duty more than anyone else I know. I'm about to go pro.

And they've made it harder and harder to get out of it. I sat through a jury selection last time where this guy tried for 2 solid hours to get dismissed by giving the most obnoxious answers possible to every question the attorneys asked him. He claimed to be completely biased about everything, hate everyone and basically had no redeeming human qualities at all. After two hours everyone in the jury pool begged for them to dimiss him. Either that or we were going to have to drag him out behind the courthouse and kick his ass.

Well, while I'm sitting for hour upon hour at least I can read. Or play Bookworm or Text Twister on my pda. And try not to think about the work that's piling up while I'm doing my civic duty.

Is it wrong to pray that everyone plea bargains next week?

three tenths and a new stove

That's all I got for ya this week, just a measly 3/10 of a pound.

Almost 2 months in to the process and down 10.6 pounds. I'd hoped it would be faster. But I'm not going to complain .. I haven't been a very good weight watcher. I've made some alarming mistakes on my tracker and I have been eating out a lot -- Chinese, Mongolian BBQ, Subway, Sweet Tomatoes, Taco Bell. Heck I started off last Wednesday (the beginning of my WW week) by consuming almost half my flex points in one day. So I'll take the 3/10 down. Better than 3/10 up, right? The twin set I'm wearing isn't stretched across my chest like a porn star, so that's a bonus. Last time I wore it it didn't ... quite ... fit.

On other fronts, does anyone want to renovate my kitchen? For free? I daydream about a lot of things and some do come true, some do not. I daydreamed about new houses for a long time -- now I've downgraded my daydreams to new cabinet fronts, appliances, a sink, new tile backsplash and a countertop. We have one of the world's oldest kitchens. OK, maybe not the world, but it's pretty aged. It's all original, from 1961. Except the floor, that's circa 1981. I've got appliances older than me.

I never thought stoves could be sexy, but someone just utter the words continuous grate, self cleaning oven, sealed burners, over the range microwave and man, I'm totally hot. But we have to do the taxes first which means a whole bunch of headache. And then we have to buy the appliances and the sink and stash them somewhere in our tiny little crackerbox. And figure out how to pay for it all. And then have a big mess, for like, a week. So the process just feels too big, too scary, too unwieldy.

Ah, new things to worry about. How I do love a problem to solve.