A lot of stuff has happened in the last year or so and the latest thing, K's return to Lincoln, was a sudden, hard right that hurt almost more than anything I've ever experienced. It wasn't that she did -- a small part of me always believed she would. It's how it all came to happen that was such a smart slap in the face.
It's not the kind of hurt that heals quickly. If it hurts me this much I can't imagine what it's done to T but he's soldiering on in incredibly brave fashion and I think in some ways we're closer now than we were. I dream about the girls a lot now-- including a couple of vivid ones on this trip, made worse by that wierd disoriented feeling you have when you wake up in the middle of the night in a strange place. I dream of A regularly, on the road and at home. My dreams make me sad because the dreams are usually happy and I know it's just what I wish for and not what really is. I so wish she would call. I don't really expect she will.
On another topic, I managed to survive a 4 day trip out of town with my weight loss and my mind mostly intact. I have some seriously unattractive bruises from dropping boxes on myself, twisting my ankle in my cute boots and falling, and any number of other dumb human tricks I pulled these last 4 days. I never remember coming back from a trip feeling so beat up as I do this time. I am really out of shape. It was a good thing for all 3 of us that the trip was ending: I think we were all exhausted. Last night going from the convention center to the airport was stone silent, just watching the rain and the traffic and hoping against all hope we'd make the plane. It's good to work with friends who don't feel uncomfortable about the silences. Sometimes conversation just takes too much juice.
Anyway, home again. Back to some kind of normal work routine until a month from now when we head to San Diego for another show.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
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