ology

Grub-ology:
What is your salad dressing of choice? Blue cheese, full fat
What is your favorite fast food restauraunt? Taco Bell
What is your favorite sit down restaurant? La Bodega
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? Depends on the service
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? nothing
Name three foods you detest above all others: Liver, lima beans, hominy
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Happy Family
What are your pizza toppings of choice? the works
What do you like to put on your toast? cherry preserves or apple butter
What is our favorite type of gum? Orbit sweet mint

Tech-ology
Number of contacts in your cell phone? maybe 40
Number of contacts in your e-mail address book? same
What is your wallpaper on your computer? beach somewhere tropical
What is your screensaver on your computer? whatever the default is
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? no
How many land line phones do you have in your house? none
How many televisions are in your house? 2
What kitchen appliance do you use the least? coffee maker but DH uses it every day
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? country

Bi-ology:
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? eyes
Are you right handed or left handed? Right
Do you like your smile? yes
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Teeth, tonsils
Would you like to? fat, definitely
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? it's very peaceful in there
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? hearing
When was the last time you had a cavity? don't know
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? 40# dog food bag
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No

Misc-ology:
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? no
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? my mom's original pick, Sarah
How do you express your artistic side? writing
What color do you think you look best in? red
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? 5 minutes. I got my ass beat regularly in elementary school -- are you kidding?
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? tiny glass bottle
If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? No way, absolutely not
How often do you go to church? until a year ago twice a week, now, never
Have you ever saved someone's life? Maybe, I gave over a gallon of blood
Has someone ever saved yours? don't know

Dare-ology:
For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? No. A block but not a half mile
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? yes
Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? No
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? no
Would you never blog again for $50,000? absolutely
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? no but if you'd asked me 20 years ago I might have
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? no
Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? no
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? $100,000
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? yes

Survivor 13 and the possibility of closing the doors

The great thing about having a blog is that I can come here and rant about Survivor 13 and how disappointed I am in the whole "dividing by race" concept. (I still like the schoolyard pick method myself. ) Also it gives me a place to gripe about the fact that the large majority of the players are from California, which is in itself a culture as foreign to me as that of Asia or Mexico. But really, so predictable -- I can already hear the posturing. Boring, boring, boring.

The bad thing about a blog is that sometimes you're just not interesting. And at worst, you offend someone. Or you just get too busy and you can't post anymore.

I'm close to closing it down. I'm a little conflicted though. I think I would miss it if it were gone but on the other hand I just don't have that kind of time anymore and frankly, I find myself boring as hell. There are only about 4 of you who read it -- others that I've invited have declined or been hurt by what I've said, including my own spouse. That said, I'll be posting infrequently and possibly, in a month or so, I'm going to blow it up. I'll have to think about it. Maybe it's time to go back to paper, which seems so much more genteel and Emily Dickenson-like.

erosion

I wonder if growing up and growing older is just this process of erosion and you are either what is eroded away or what is left when everything else has been.

My best friends' marriages are over. The artist formerly known as Frau Lobster and hereafter referred to as Mother Nature is now a single person again -- just this last week. And on the day after, the Cat sent me an e-mail to announce the sudden death of her 12 1/2 year marriage as well.

I look at T and think "how did we survive?" I thought this time last year we were the least likely to be married in August of '06. But here is the secret -- here's what I know. We both wanted it. We loved, we hated, we scratched, fought, cried, screamed, threw things, threatened, cussed and spat but in the end the solidity of our life together was too irresistable.

He is home for me. He has learned after all these years that when I cry all I need is for him to hold me. I don't need my problem solved and I don't need a reproach. I need a pair of arms and a strong chest. He's my best friend, the first person I go to with news or a joke. He is that which I prize above all else -- steady, loyal and faithful.

As for what I am to him, I can't say. But it must be something because when I was ready to let it all go, he held on tight for both of us. I do remember one thing he said -- that I was his rock.

This thing we have is not perfect. And the sandstorms have worn down parts of what we were. But when I look around now I see that we are still standing. And I am amazed.

catch a ride on my train of thought

Does the last post seem self-serving and pathetic?

Does anyone read this any more?

Does anyone like Donna Karan's "Be Delicious" cologne? I hate it, it smells like this girl upstairs who passed out on her first day at work. I tried to help her until the ambulance came and to this day her perfume reminds me of sickness. That sounds mean, I know. Sorry. No more "Be Delicious" for me.

My mouth has tasted like soap all day. Am I getting a cosmic "washing my mouth out"? My language lately certainly justifies it.

I really want to improve my diet and start eating healthier foods that are ony one or two steps removed from their sources... fresh fruit from an orchard, for example. But I had Wendy's for lunch. Not an auspicious start.

I believe in global warming. This place is like a blast furnace -- windy and 100 degrees. Anyone have a match?

I snuck 2 smokes last week. The first was so bad I couldn't finish. The second went down without a thought. My body has old habits my brain knows nothing about.

I wish I'd paid more attention in Spanish and I really wish I had more confidence when I try to speak. And in a related note, when my Spanish-only neighbor hunted up the word "cookies" and smiled, I wanted to hug her. This second language thing is a bitch.

God, I can't wait to wash this perfume off.

Liking yourself

Frau-Lobster-until-Friday points out that I have been MIA from this blog for some time. Well, I'm still here.

I had some thoughts last week about food, fat, self-loathing and childhood. Let's see if I can sort them in to something that makes sense.

And by the way, I love our new kitchen. I'm struggling to keep it from being too fussy and old-ladylike but I'm digging it a lot. It just needs some paint and a few finishing touches.

Anyway, back to the other.

On FridayI cried during dinner. I had been ruminating on some things since, oh last Tuesday I guess. The question arose in my mind that perhaps when I was a child I didn't get the help I needed with my parents' divorce and my emotional and behavioral problems because people didn't like me. (See, just saying that makes me sound pathetic. But bear with me).

I have been around ADD kids and they can be sooooooo annoying. I mean, you want to like all kids. They're kids, right? Especially little girls. But haven't you been around kids who were loud, annoying, clingy, hyper and never did anything they were told? Not brats, just kids who really have no "off" switch. I think I was her. I think I bugged my extended family and our friends so badly that no one wanted to be around me. And I think my parents were completely absorbed in their own drama and unable to focus even a little on the 8 year old kid that was getting caught up in all the big waves. So I just had to figure it all out for myself. Although I didn't do a good job, because I'm still at it.

Without any direction on how to be a well-adjusted person when your family disintegrates, I just sort of tripped my way through adolescence and my teen years. I did grow up. And somehow I end up being this person I really don't like. I have no self esteem, I'm self-centered, I still don't have an off-switch. I can't even hear myself. I talk tooooooooo much. I mean Toooo much. I say the wrong things. I make faces I don't mean and can't even feel. I cannot tell you how many times I have been accused of hijacking meetings. Folks, these are not cute little personality quirks, they are

major flaws.

I'm hard to know and hard to like. And inside the shell I'm so nice! That's what I can't figure out!

At almost 40 (ulp) I surprise myself by sometimes being pretty smart about why I am who I am. Sometimes I can fight the tide and just shut up and be there for someone. I can sometimes hold my husband while he sobs his way through a depressive episode without chiding him for feeling bad. I can occassionally shut my mouth while someone else unburdens themselves.

I believe it is still possible to learn to be a good wife, a good friend and a smart manager. I believe the way is painful and I will make many mistakes. I also believe there is still time to rid myself of my lifelong hate/love relationship with food and my body -- the most tangible evidence of my self-loathing.

Hmmmm.

Does knowing all these things change anything? Will I be mature enought to act upon the things I've finally realized? God, I hope so.

BBQ 2 - 3

Our thrid competition and still no money but this time we managed to turn out a more than edible brisket which is pretty exciting! And we've figured out how to manage the heat on the cookers also which allows for more sleep - 4 hours for me this time but I think T was up more than in the past, too. Our brisket placed 7/17, pretty neat. The other stuff wasn't good - I couldn't do the chicken the way I wanted because they didn't allow any sauce at all and we had to do pork loin instead of Boston butt and we've never smoked pork loin before. The ribs were good but we foiled them and they seemed soggy to me.

Other sleep-losing enterprises includes the long slow path back to having an operational kitchen. The remodel went beautifully and yesterday T's brother helped us install the stove and microwave so now I have functioning appliances again. Everything looks just great although I still have a little work to do. OK, a lot.

Next competition isn't for a month so lots of recovery time and time alos for fixing up the house. Wooo. S'OK. It's too hot to do anything outside right now.

BBQ competition # 2 - from 43 Things

Don't know why this didn't copy over but here it is...

Did another competition this last weekend and fared a little better than our first attempt in June, top half in ribs and pork but still really struggling with the brisket. The heat this time of year makes things even harder but we are determined to hear our names called!

Overall improvement across the board, our scored were higher on everything and this was a tighter field with lower scores for the winners than the first time we competed. So it didn’t just get easier.

I have discovered I have no grace under pressure, my stomach and my patience both fail me. At one point I totally lost my mind and was in the bathroom sobbing. I am used to getting sleep and 3 hours of cat napping and 90 degree heat just ain’t cutting it. Not to mention that my armpits were sunburned from a float trip 2 days before. From the camping, floating and cooking I am so banged and beat up I look like I crawled out of a car wreck. As a finale, I turned my ankle on the steps leading out of our camper and fell flat on my back, all while talking on a cell phone. Life is good.

The good news: We met another team who offered to help us out and suggested we make a run at a competition this weekend out on the end of town. It’s non-sanctioned and subs pork tenderloin for pork butt but it was inexpensive (relatively) and we need the practice. And there’s $4,000 in prize money available.

Attempt # 2
Out of 30 teams, we scored:
chicken: 19
ribs: 15
pork: 13
brisket: 28

no two ways about it, our brisket sucks. But the sad part is that it didn't suck the worst. There were actually 2 briskets out there that were worse. Now that's tragic.

Don't look now...

But "No Reservations" has come back to life. It was a great idea for a blog, I don't know why I didn't keep it up better.

Well, yeah, I do, but we don't need to go there today.

Vacation was so nice, I wish I were still there. I posted to 43 things about our second BBQ competition, intending to copy it over here, but something's not working right, so I think I'll see if it shows up and if not, I'll copy it over.

In other news, they are tearing the crap out of my kitchen, even as we speak. I hope my car doesn't die soon because this kitchen renovation is taking the place in my budget a car payment might occupy. The Malibu is gong to have to last a little longer since the stove died first.

lifted from wdysgrl

1) How old do you wish you were? 19, good year
2) Where were you when 9/11 happened? Getting ready for work and I heard the WTC was on fire so I clicked on the TV right before the second plane hit -- yes, Oklahoma, me too. Wierd, eh?
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money? go hunt someone down and try to get it back
4) Do you consider yourself kind? mostly
5) If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? I don't know what it would be or where, which is why I don't have one, I guess.
6) If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be? Spanish
7) Do you know your neighbors? I just met the new ones, she doesn't speak English very well. Her father-in-law can a little and he brought out postcards of their home town in Mexico to show. Between my crappy Spanish and their broken English we got on fine.
8)What do you consider a vacation? anything where I don't have to work. Usually camping but the perfect vacation involves the ocean.
9)Do you follow your horoscope? No
10) Would you move for the person you loved? yeah, but I'd bitch about it probably
11) Are you touchy feely? can be
12) Do you believe that opposites attract? I believe like attracts like and they generally get along a lot better in the long run.
13) Dream job? actress
14) Favorite channel(s)? Food, Speed, HBO when I'm not paying for it
15) Favorite place to go on a weekend? camping
16) Showers or Bath? shower
17) Do you paint your nails? Toenails-yes, fingernails-no1
8) Do you trust people easily? not anymore
19) What are your phobias? being made fun of
20) Do you want kids? not anymore
21) Do you keep a handwritten journal? Yes
22) Where would you rather be right now? beach
23) What makes you feel warm and safe? couch, blanket, TV
24) Heavy or light sleep? could hear a pin drop, such a drag
25) Are you paranoid? about some things
26) Are you impatient? Yes
27) Who can you relate to? Stacie, the Cat, my mom (only sometimes)
28 ) How do you feel about interracial couples? OK with me
29) Have you been burned by love? Are you kidding? Am I breathing?
30) Whats your life motto?? keep diggin'
31) What's your main ring tone on your cell? some generic, my phone with Dancing Queen got stolen.
32) What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping
33) Who was your last text message from? Stacie
34) Who's bed did you sleep in last night? mine
35) What color shirt are you wearing? red tank, white open weave summer sweater
36) Most recent movie you watched? at the movies it was United 93
37) Name five things you have on you at all times? glasses, wedding rings, at least one pair of earrings, usually my purse and in my purse, usually a book
38.) What color are your bed sheets? cream with bue flowers
9) How much cash do you have on you right now? none, sad
40) What is your favorite part of chicken? leg
41) What's your favorite town/city? Honolulu
42) I can't wait till...the next time I go to Vegas
43) Who got you to join myspace? I delisted. It's creepy.
44) What did you have for dinner last night? Arandas Mexicanas
45) How tall are you barefoot? 5' 3 and 3/4"
46) Have you ever smoked crack? no, no, no
47) Do you own a gun? T has a shotgun
48) What do you prefer to drink in the morning? diet coke
49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? my boobs have already done a great job
50) Do you have A.D.D.? yep, what did you say?
51) What time did you wake up today?5:00 a.m.
52) Current worry? that the kids hate me
53) Current hate? uncut lawns and getting up early
54) Favorite place to be? beach
55) Where would you like to travel? the UK
56) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs? I have no idea and I don't really like to think about it. I'll just take it as it comes.
57) last thing you ate? bagel
58) What songs do you sing in the shower? I sing in the car
59) Last person that made you laugh? A couple of the guys here at work
60) Worst injury you've ever had? stitches
61) Does someone have a crush on you? no
62) What is your favorite candy? Cadbury Fruit and Nut, sour patch kids, jelly bellies

in and out

I was gonna blog, I swear it. I was gonna blog on the day I had to chase the woodchuck out from under my car. That was the day after I removed a toad from my laundry room and 2 days after I had to punch a mouse.

Now you're wondering, aren't you?

The dog caught the mouse but didn't kill it, only mortally wounded it. I was in the way back yard with flipflops and no tools, just some heavy duty work gloves. For some reason I decided to punch it real hard in the head in the hopes that it would be stunned enough that it wouldn't run off or try to bite my foot. I killed it instead. So there you go.

As for the toad, I think it snuck in the house in the dark, when I was emptying the dehumidifier in to the flower bed. And I can't explain the wood chuck. It was just there.

So I didn't blog and I haven't blogged and now I'm leaving to go camping for a week. Guess you'll have to excuse me while I take a summer break.

Until the 10th, take care.

Where you been?

Ooooh, I hate it when my blogging friends take extensive leaves of absence. And there, I just did the same.

I haven't been anywhere special, just, you know, living and working and doing what we do. Getting aligned for the next competition, puzzling over what to get for T for Father's Day and feeling generally like i want to get out and experience summer.

T doesn't know it but I signed us up for a BBQ judging class today with "Dr. Death" master judger, Ed Roith. That's what I finally settled on.

Also, he doesn't know that I'm dragging him to Theater in the Park for "Cats" which I've never seen. I think a picnic and an evening under the stars -- just getting out on a Friday night -- will be fun. And my macho husband actually likes musicals, especially if I feed him.

After 3 weekends on the road (including 2 family reunions) it will be nice to stay home, get my house clean, open up the pool, fall asleep to the drone of the race on TV on Sunday. Run around in shorts with no makeup and bare feet. Not hurry, not worry, just be.

Hope you all have a good, peaceful weekend.

from 43 Things

The Saga of BBQ2

We are no longer competition virgins.
We arrived on Friday and began prepping all our meats – 4 categories (chicken, brisket, ribs and pork butt). 2-3 hours later we finally munched down some leftover sandwiches from Mr. Goodcents and then started the charcoal chimney for the first smoker (pork butt takes the longest to cook: at an hour & half per pound this one needed over 10 hours).
Brisket went on second and by midnight we were well underway and the neighbors were well oiled. I took the first shift on smoker watch. I read through a stack of newspapers and munched on grapes and chips and tried like hell to stay awake. The second smoker was running very hot so there was some switching around at 1 a.m. —our internal temp on the brisket was already 141 degrees, not good. I almost dropped the pork butt trying to switch things around and I burned my hand on the Coleman lantern.
At 3:30 I finally collapsed exhausted: I slept for an hour and a half. At 5 a.m. Tim got up and refilled the water pans and started the ribs. I was up and down several times and got up for good at 8 for biscuits and gravy. After a long night of fighting the cookers and fending off drunks, I actually surprised myself by being in fairly good spirits. We pulled the pork, brisket, started the chicken last… in between I filled boxes with leaf lettuce for presentation.
At 11:30 we started arranging the chicken, giving everything a swipe with bbq sauce. Our first turn in was at 12, followed by ribs, pork butt and finally brisket.
After the turn-ins we spent some time cleaning up the considerable mess and at 3 we went up for the awards. Unfortunately we didn’t hear our name—at all. After taking a look at the scoring sheets, we discovered that we still have some work to do. We had problems with all our turn ins—presentation on chicken and brisket were not great. Our presentation on ribs and pork were much better. We got scores everywhere from 9s (perfect) to 3 (not very damn good). Overall we finished 37 of 43, much worse than we’d hoped. Afterwords, we took copious notes and decided to work on our recipes some more.We also went to Dairy Queen for ice cream and made a beer run, which we ended up being too tired to drink in the end. We went to bed and slept for about 9 hours. On Sunday we woke up to rain, so we packed up the camper and headed home, stoping off at Waffle House for breakfast. Sunday was our day to regroup—then back to the real world on Monday.

Next competition: Johnson County Fair, on my old home turf, Warrensburg, MO.

We DID IT! and we didn’t suck the most!

Windfall and BBQ

Do not use this logo without permission!

I've obviously waned a little on my blog .... which is sad considering it's about to celebrate it's second anniversary. Happy Birthday Yorkist Rose!

Two quick things: T and I are entered in a barbecue contest this weeknd: it will be our first. Planning for this thing has taken more strategy that the invasion of Normandy but we're finally getting there. We have taken measures to insure that we can put out a fire, sanitize, maintain appropriate temps and that T doesn't sweat on the brisket.

This is true KC culture, y'all. My friend TKAT designed us an official logo and everything. I'm having t shirts made. Very exciting.

Other thing: I won an essay contest at work. God help me, I wrote an essay called "What ESOP Means to Me." The last time I wrote an essay I was trying to get a scholarship from the DAR. This time I got $75 in Amex gift certificates. Hmmmm, what to do with this unexpected windfall???? It is my birthday in 25 days -- I might have to go to Sephora.

Dilemmas, dilemmas.

Blog entries that were never born

I've had a hundred wierd or deep thoughts over the last few weeks. That's how many opportunities I think I may have missed to post here. There's a lot going on these days but none of it seems to get blogged. So here's the reader's digest version:

• Travel - there was lots. Four trips in five weeks. Stopped now.
• Oil of Olay energy glow lotion - cool stuff. I'm not orange and I'm not white. Excellent news.
• Camping this weekend - his family reunion.
• Our first BBQ contest is next weekend - I make the chicken and T manages the rest. Hope we don't embarrass ourselves. Hope he has fun.
• LOST - wow. Did you watch that? What did you think?
• Weekend after next - 'nother family reunion, still his. Waaaay up in Nebraska, almost to SD. Anyone want to babysit my dogs?
• hot here. Hot there? Ugh. What happened to spring?
• I've got my hair somewhat under control now but I'm not going to get in to it. Let's just say I rethought the problem and came up with a solution I'm happy with.
• I'm still not smoking. Sometimes I miss it but mostly I'm ok.
• I want to see "Over the Hedge" and the "X-Men" -- no time, no time.
• Where did May go?
• I need to get back on my diet. I feel like an overfilled balloon. I've had Mexican twice this week. And I could have it again and be happy.

See? Nothing really very profound.

I had some profound thoughts but did not write them down. I need to get better about that.

Here's a fresh one from this morning:
Several times in the past few days and weeks I have made a mental note to myself, mostly regarding the passage of time. Actually, it's more like the lightbulb coming on. For instance, this morning as I was making our bed I thought about the last time the A/C was on. The last time I had the air conditioning on, our marriage was in total system failure and I was sleeping alone on a blow up mattress on the floor of a bare apartment across town. I was worrying every minute about money and the kids and my marriage and him and also myself. I was wishing I could fast forward myself 6 months and see how it ended. Well, it's been nine months now. This is my resolution and it's better than I ever could have hoped. It made T turning on the air last night seem monumental in some way, although only to me, I'm sure. Each little moment is another mile gone from where we were -- and a little closer to the new life we're making.

Well, that's probably all you'll hear from me until after the holiday. I wish everyone a great weekend!

I quit

It's been a week since I quit smoking.

I don't remember the last one I had, I know it was in Vegas. I have known for a long time that I should give them up but you know, I like smoking. Simple. I just do. But I told T and more than that, I promised myself that I would quit by my birthday and even though it's still 5 weeks away, I had one left and I got rid of it before we got on the plane. And then I decided not to buy any more.

I miss it. I didn't even smoke that much. But I know that it's the right thing to do... maybe my blood pressure will go down a little and get me out of the "pre-hypertension" category. I always thought 120/80 was good... now I guess it's not so much.

Even Mother Nature (I revert back to an old nickname for the former Frau Lobster) who has been laid up in the hospital all week has been trying to keep me on the straight and narrow. A coworker took the rental car keys when we were out of town earlier in the week, stating that "If you are going to smoke, you're going to have to walk to get them." It's been a long time since I sat in a Hampton Inn room all evening with crap on TV and no cigarettes.

Someone tell me I'll be better off. But I don't want to be one of those smug bastards who wrinkles their nose every time someone walks by with a cigarette... nor do I want to be huffing the second hand smoke.

Just another sign that I am grown up after all.

Back again ... and gone

I have a day between trips, just to clear off my desk and then go again... Vegas was fun but kind of long. I did develop a disturbing new taste for sour apple martinis though, just what I needed.

I would upload some pictures but the trusty little Canon has disappeared ... a victim of my carelessness or someone's pilfering while we were at the trade show. I'm devastated. I cried over that camera... I really want it back. Maybe, just maybe it will turn up??? No, I guess not.

I tried not to think about mother's day ... it's always tough to grapple with that same old demon -- I didn't have children of my own. Still for the last 12 years I never felt as though I'd missed out because I had the girls. And now that the relationship has changed, I miss them desperately and all my insecurities come swooping in... I'm just glad it's over for another year.

On the other hand, for Mother's Day T did give me a beautiful card, a little gold ring, a BBQ apron and a bright orange cone (pictured here).

We are amused.

He's such a good man.

There is no stepmother's day

I am evil.
I am an alien.
I am an archetype.
I am wicked.

I once dried tears.
Took you shopping.
Paid the tuition.
Gave advice.

I cleaned you up.
I held your hand.
I brushed your hair.
I made a vow.

I am no one now.
I am nothing now.

There is no stepmother's day.

Viva

Las Vegas.

I'm off for a week at a trade show. Hopefully a little fun but also plenty of work. Lots of long days. But I'm not complaining... hope everyone has had a lovely May so far and doesn't get too far in to the tequila while celebrating Cinco de Mayo.

It's kind of neat how we manage to work holidays and celebrations of our own cultures in to the American experience. St. Pat's, Oktoberfest, what else? Shall we start celebrating Boxing Day? I'm in favor. How about Victoria Day? Please feel free to add your proposed holidays below.

Until we meet again, hit me. Uh, make that $50 on red. Oh, maybe not.

Happy May Day

Odds n ends:
3 trips in 4 weeks has morphed in to 4 trips in 5 weeks. I've got the whole slip-on shoe, computer out of the case, driver's license and boarding pass in the left and a diet coke in the right hand thing down to a science.

It finally rained. We're still down for precip but at least the next time T mows, 1/2 the topsoil from my yard won't blow in to the living room. It's been like the freakin' Oklahoma dustbowl.

Wildlife spotted on recent trips: swans in Michigan and prairie dogs on the OK/TX border. V cool.

I have forgotten how good it feels to eat healthy food. My eating habits have been appalling lately. It has run the gamut from German chocolate milkshakes from Braum's to cherry sours and pizza and Zapp's potato chips. However, here's one arguement for eating the bad stuff -- just as I was fixing my salad last night, 60 Minutes featured a story about people contracting e. coli from bagged salad. Which, was, of course, what I was using. Lovely. I want to have my innards rearranged by lettuce.

People Magazine's Most Beautiful 100 needs to be renamed People's Most Beautiful Celebrities. But thanks, People, for not including Paris Hilton. I always think it's interesting that people "fall off" the list. Did they get less beautiful? I mean, how can a guy be the Sexiest Man Alive and then just fishbait? The issue is shallow and stupid, but dangit, I still bought it.

Tired, so tired. I get all rested on Saturday morning, only to ruin the feeling by staying up too late on Sunday night. I never learn.

United 93

I don't usually go to movies, since T's not a big fan. But this was one he actually wanted to see, so on Saturday we had a rare afternoon at the show. This was the first time I dipped in to my gift certificates from Christmas and I couldn't think of a worthier movie to spend them on.

A lot of people say it's "this year's Passion of the Christ". Well, to me there are no similarities -- except one. That feeling of wanting to crawl under the seat so you don't have to watch what's going to happen. My brain was literally racing and I know I missed details and dialogue. I will have to watch again when the dvd comes out. And this time I'll have a drink, because God, this is a hard movie to watch.

Saturday night after we got back from the movies I saw that A&E was showing their earlier version, "Flight 93". There was simply no comparison. "United 93" is harrowing, white knuckle, intense, indescribable. It's like being there. It's hard not to yell at the screen. The TV version is like one of those disease movies of the week. People should be sweating. People should be crying. Noses should be running. People should not be sitting there being all stoic and beautiful. Of course, credit to A&E because their version came out much earlier and had a harder row to hoe. But if you think you've seen "United 93" because you saw "Flight 93", you ain't seen nothin'.

A few observations from the peanut gallery:

1. This is a powerful teaching tool, both for the attacked and the attackers. Should this happen in the future, most assuredly it will not happen the same way again.
2. If I have the bad luck to get hijacked, I will never believe that they will let us live. Therefore I feel it's my obligation to tell my family that I WILL fight. I will fight. I will cry and I will probably pee my pants. But I will kick, pull hair, gouge with fingernails and do everything I can do to inflict some harm on the hijackers.
3. I shook through the entire movie.
4. I think a lot about the difference between here and not here. You are on the phone with someone you love, wanting to hold on to them wanting them to hold on to your voice. They are there. Then they are not. The ability for thousands of victims to grab a cell and say goodbye gave 9-11 a very different texture.
5. At the end of the movie, there was no noise in the theater. At all.
6. The choice to use "non-celebrities" was perfect. Known names would have been a distraction. I recognized a few of the actors, but I'm not sure from where.
7. This movie made me think more of Schindler's List than Passion of the Christ. If you've forgotten the shock and the horror and the confusion of that day, this will put you back there.
8. Absolutely wonderful acting from many non-actors. I am curious about their choice to relive that day. It must have been incredibly hard.

If you wonder whether or not you should see it, go. Take kleenex. Those tears at the end aren't the manipulated Hollywood variety tears, they're real.

Bravo.