I fight authority, authority always wins

I think I think too much.

I don't even stop while sleeping. I sometimes slow way down while deeply absorbed in some task or a movie, sometimes a book. It's impossible to halt the deluge entirely. Wish I could because my thoughts are often not very enjoyable.

So here's what I'm thinking about today: our Wednesday night church service is discussing a teaching series by John Bevere, called "Under Cover". He's talking about subjecting yourself to the authority of God and other legitimate authority that comes in to your life. It so happens that I am really fighting everyone's authority right now. Anyone claiming to have authority over me right now might get told to screw off. So that's wrong. Can't tell God to screw off, can I? So I have to yield, which means I have to do things I don't feel like doing.

Later, it dawned on me that if I can't yield to it -- how can I ever wield it? When it's my turn, how can I handle authority responsibly if I didn't learn how to respect it in others? If I don't yield -- particularly to God's authority, well, -- I have nothing.

John Bevere says Satan can use the door of disobedience to get access to our lives and create chaos. I can see that. That door is already cracked in my life and I can see exactly what's going to happen if I don't get it shut. The face of chaos is looking right back at me.

I wonder what will happen? What am I really made of? Whose am I?

See, thinking again.

So I call up my preacher I say, "Give me strength for Round 5."
He said , "You don't need no strength, you need to grow up son."
I said, "Growing up leads to growing old and then to dying "
And dying to me don't sound like all that much fun.
- John Mellencamp, The Authority Song