Babies and puppies

I went out to my dad's yesterday for our family Fourth of July "fish fry" -- which used to mean my dad fished all year with all his buddies and then fried up the haul on Independence Day. Now it apparently means hot dogs and store bought catfish nuggets, which is OK too. It's a chance to spend time with my immediate family: my half-brother and half-sister and their kids, stepkids and grandkids.

I come from a modest background, which is my way of saying there are elements of my family that sometimes appear -- a bit redneck. This causes me no end of frustration when I'm in larger family gatherings because I have little to nothing but blood in common with almost everyone. They think I am overeducated, stuck-up and weird because I don't have kids. I have to admit I get a bit holier-than-thou over the casual out-of-wedlock breeding practices of my cousins and their kids -- something my brother and sister and I had managed to avoid, up to this point.

I am sad to report that my brother's unmarried teenage stepdaughter recently bore a beautiful baby girl and is living at home on WIC and support from the "daddy". This baby girl is a delicate, gorgeous thing, tiny toes and fingers and tufts of red hair. The baby is loved and doted on, primarily by my brother and his wife.

I did not hold her but held instead a puppy that was visiting with a friend of my step-niece. I can deal with puppies. In fact I often find I like animals a lot better than people. Puppies are so cute but they never forced anyone to get married or drop out of high school. Puppies are pretty safe.

I realize it sounds like I hate babies. I don't, actually hate babies or even this one baby. It's just the concept I hate. She is a foreshadowing of my next grand nephew or niece, due in late October to my 17 year old nephew and his girlfriend. My nephew is going to be a senior next year and is currently suffering his way through National Guard boot camp in Fort Benning, GA. This lovely young man has managed to make two huge errors in just a brief amount of time: knocking up another high schooler and simultaneously joining the one branch of the armed forces most likely to get him killed in Iraq. I'm sad, not because I thought my family was better than the rest of our extended family but because my nephew is actually a great student who wants have something in life and get the hell out of small-town Missouri. Now I'm afraid he never will. And if he does I'm afraid my father's youngest grandson will promptly become the target of a roadside bomb in some Iraqi backwater. Where oh where is the ctrl+alt+delete for life?

I couldn't hold that baby girl, which officially makes me a bitch. I couldn't help but resent my nephew's girlfriend who got pregnant (even though I know my nephew got her that way, duh) and the recruiter who fast-talked a 17 year old in to boot camp. That makes me a bitch, too. Oh and I really had a bitch moment when after I saw the baby, my brother said "Just think, in just a couple of years it will be your turn". Meaning I'll be a grandmother in just a couple of years? Oh hell no. I went off on that for about 5 minutes, until he wished he'd never said anything.

I realize I have no control over my girls' lives past a certain age and even at this point I know that control is illusory at best. But I wouldn't wish babies on either stepdaughter for many, many years to come. Maybe they'll be the ones who postpone family for a successful career and a healthy marriage first. Just maybe they'll travel and live a little before turning their lives over to child-rearing. Maybe they can be the ones who marry Mr. Right the first time, after great contemplation and prayer and don't get divorced. And maybe when they do have kids it will be with the right guy at the right time and for all the right reasons.

My wish for them, for now, is that they also stick to the puppies.