The Past

I opened this up with not much to say -- just knowing that I should write something because it's been a while. Then an odd thing happened. The commercial carpet sales person that came to measure my office turned out to be a man I worked with from my very first job out of college. He no longer works for the company but as he talked, he told me about people who were there that have either left or died. As he talked, I could envision them perfectly: each quirk and habit, the way this man held his diet soda or pushed up his glasses, the posture of the secretary as she walked along the halls. The way that man looked behind his desk as he laughed and reached for his coffee cup. It reminded me of how small our world is (especially one you've lived in for 15 years) and also it reminded me of the very fresh, very young girl I was then.

I wonder what she would think of me and the life I live today: different husband, different job, different home and much more complicated concerns. I really was just a girl then -- just 2 years older than my oldest stepdaughter: a novice in marriage and in life. Even my posture in pictures seems to say that not all of me was quite grown up and prepared for what was to come. Some people might think it's sad -- to look at a picture of a girl and say, "Poor thing, she has no idea what's coming." I didn't. But I'm glad I didn't know. I have always dealt best with what's in front of me at that particular moment. The future would paralyze me because I'd spend all my time trying to fix or change it for the better. In the end it all works out, despite my "best efforts".

Life is what it is and sometimes the past drops in to visit. It makes us think of things and people long gone from the world. It certainly blurs and softens with age. It's OK to ponder but I wouldn't want the past to pull up a chair and hang around. Today I will do what's put in front of me and I will remember that girl with some pleasure. And then I will open up the door and let the past go back from whence it came.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson