I have no followers and I don't give this out to anyone anymore because it doesn't seem all that profound or interesting. No hopes of a book deal here.
It's been nearly a year since I wrote anything and what a year it was. Never did I ever imagine I would be separated from my work family and in such an ugly way. Never did I think I would be out scrambling for a job again, going to interviews and being told "no thanks". It's humiliating as hell. I wish I had the good fortune of marrying someone who just wanted me to stay home and keep house. Have his babies. Work only if it amused me to do so. Alas, I have somehow become the primary breadwinner of the family and so I feel an enormous pressure to find another job as quickly as I can. I feel like I'm bailing out a boat with a sieve.
I think every day about how it all went wrong at PBI. I dream about it a lot. I try to draw strength from my AT experience and remember what I endured as I hiked those 40 miles up and down mountains that seem more than anything to be the literal form of my emotional and work life. I try to tell myself again that I can. I can. Just baby steps. That's all I need to do. One more tiny step: a half-step even. Because moving forward is what I came for.
I'm just ready for the cool breezes and the beautiful vistas, already.
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1 comment:
I have some experience with ugly separations from work families, as you know. Over ten years with a company I figured was worth retiring from. And, in my humble opinion, I never gave them any reason not to continue employing me until that gold watch. The day I was canned, a guy who had been my boss there called me at home, maybe three hours after I'd gotten the boot. He told me, "It sounds crazy, but there's life after TradeNet." He was right—both about life after my job there and about how I thought it sounded crazy.
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