Through a Glass Darkly

I wish I could understand what is wrong with me. No matter what I try to do, apparently I am not a nice person. The depth of feeling I have for my family, friends and God is trapped behind a darkly tinted and soundproof piece of glass that I cannot break.

I would like to say that when I came to know Christ, the glass broke and all this love came pouring out. Maybe for a while it trickled out but then somehow the cracks fused and it dammed up again. All the love and kindness inside is a deep pool of water, flowing and swirling and only visible to those who care enough to press their faces to the glass and look deeply.

What will it take for the glass to shatter and the love to flow? How do I stop the merciless transformation to mean old lady, frozen and frightened and angry, shouting at children from the high window of a dark house?

God grant me the ability to show not only my love but your love as well. Fill me: let me finally be so full that the glass is broken.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. -- 1 Corinthians 13:12