Welcome to random thoughts, by the Rose

I haven't been very good about writing... a whole week and nothing but silence. I'd like to say I'm working on something brilliant but I'm not, I just can't seem to focus on any one topic.

"I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread." Bilbo told Frodo. Only he had a ring to blame it on. And dark powers. I just have my own distractable mind. Follow along, or try, as we skim over the odd inner workings of my brain for the last few days...

1) I've been musing over what to say to someone who has purposely turned her back on God and is a willing participant in a weekend pagan gathering. Part of me thinks "It's none of your business, butt out." But then the other part, the faithful part, knows that we're to proclaim the Word. And, anyway, how does one believe -- and then not? This is a concept I just can't get. To me, there is irrefutable historical evidence of Jesus and written proof of his miracles and the resurrection. So how does one come to ignore everything they once believed? And what do you say to someone who's been "churched" and left it? How do we reach the people who've been victims of "hit and run Christianity"?

2) T still isn't feeling good and that's been a distraction but not enough of one. I forget sometimes that he doesn't feel good. He is going through another battery of tests, I really hope they figure it out soon so he can stop worrying and feeling worse.

3) Here's a random one: have Renaissance Festivals been co-opted by pagans? No, I'm not obsessed, I promise. But there has always been an "alternative spiritual belief" element in the background. Now I wonder how many people are active pursuers of the occult. And does that make me a bad Christian for still wanting to go?

4) K says she wants to do more "family stuff". But no one can figure out what that is. I think she has this need, this deep craving for protection and closeness and security. Boy, don't we all. I hope that we can do more things together. We still seem to be settling in as a family, grasping for the balance we all need. The blowups are exhausting and the energy is different. But I'm still so happy she's here.

5) Among all my random thoughts, this just popped in to my head:
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." I actually have a yearning to be still. Not to read, not to sleep (although both are heavenly!) but just to be still. There is just one explanation. God must be trying to talk to me.

Herein lies a major dilemma for me: I'm often so busy talking and talking for others, that I am incapable or unwilling to listen. T busted me 1/2 a dozen times the night before last, doing just that. He's ask K a question, I'd answer. At the ER last week, the doctor asked T a question, I'd answer. He says I do it all the time. When did I become that girl?

Be still.

Be still.

Be still.